25 Things

There is a chain-mail type of note being passed around Facebook these days. No, not this type of chain mail... ...this type of chain mail, or chain letter. It asks anyone who has "been tagged" by another writer to then create a new note with 25 random things about themselves. It's similar to the old e-mails that people used to send with "personal interview" types of questions (you know the ones: "Paper or plastic? Boxers or briefs? Vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry? Etc., etc.), but is unique in that it is completely open-ended. People can, and do, write about any and all things that might describe themselves. Which does create a window into a person's thinking, character, and personality, after all.

The full set of instructions that accompanies the note is here:

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

My own wife was the person who tagged me on Facebook, and I'm still debating just how to answer her note. On one hand, I don't want to go overboard and list anything that anyone might find offensive. There's still a great deal of internal editing that happens, since you know that your friends on Facebook (which, in my case, also includes my current Pastor) are reading. No one wants to leave the proverbial turd in the punch bowl.

But then that means people are writing just the vanilla things about themselves that are socially acceptable for mass consumption. Maybe I do have artistic roots after all (thanks, Dad!), because I say, "Where's the fun in that?!" If you can't push the boundaries*, then why do it? In a completely open-ended personality quiz, don't you want to provide information that people don't already know about you? To provoke some thought about what it means to be alive these days? I think so.

* This is completely off-topic, but I wanted to throw this out there: Comedians live on that edge of social acceptability, and I think it's fascinating to see what happens as they get older. Eddie Murphy? No longer funny. Mel Brooks? No longer funny. Steve Martin? No longer funny. Robin Williams? No longer funny. If you think Chris Rock will still be funny in another 20-30 years, think again. Why is that premise universally true? When comedians are young, they are willing to take risks in unexpected ways. They often go for the shock value of a funny comment, and it's all about pushing the boundaries. In order to be truly funny, that's what it's all about. See "All in the Family" and Blazing Saddles (1974) for just two examples. As the comedian gets older, he or she is less willing to take those same risks, which is all part of our natural tendencies as humans to become more conservative or set in our ways as we get older. I'm not talking about conservative in a political sense; just that those mind-sets that formed our adult ways of thinking become more and more established until the person cannot think of changing to a new line of thinking. See Archie Bunker, above.

There are other ways of treating this "25 notes" thing, of course. You could strictly play it for laughs, being as ironic or sarcastic as you wish. I'm sure there are plenty of people on Facebook already doing so. You could try to be deep with your thoughts, striving to impress people with just how smart* you really are. You could approach this list using the "things I believe" framework popularized by Bull Durham (1988). Hell, you could probably rip off 25 notes derived purely from popular song lyrics or movie lines that you felt still described your personality in some way. I haven't seen anyone do that yet, and it would be fun to try that approach. Don't give the references away, and just see how many people pick up on the joke. Hmmm...

* To which I always think of Homer Simpson, in the episode where he gets into Springfield College, burning his high school GED certificate while singing, "I am so smart! S-M-R-T!!"

OK, now that I've gotten all of that out of the way, here are my 25 things:

1. I always overthink things too much. (Well, duh! What was your first clue?)
2. I always, always, always wanted to be a better athlete than I am. Still do. I fantasize that I could join the PGA Tour if I had the time and money to devote to training full-time. In reality, it ain't gonna happen. I just don't have the physical skills necessary, even just playing golf.
   
3. Even having said that, I still think I could have been a great race car driver, if given the chance early enough in life to hone those skills. In racing, the car does an awful lot of the work. It still takes great strength, hand-eye coordination, a seat-of-the-pants feel for what the car is doing, and lots and lots of practice on the driver's part, plus one other thing I discovered I have while racing go-karts in Thailand and Germany: the top drivers can control their emotions while running in traffic, which allows them to focus just on their own line in and out of the turns. I can do that. And yet, as fast as I was in the go-karts, there was always someone just a wee bit faster.
4. I feel like I missed my calling in life. I was tempted to put "sometimes" at the end of that sentence, but left it off.
5. When I was young (middle school-age), the first thought I had of what profession I would pursue when I was older was that of author/writer.
6. Then I fell in love with flying, and pursued that instead. Despite becoming airsick in planes smaller than commercial airliners. Despite all the travails I endured while a cadet at USAFA. Despite the Air Force drastically cutting back on its estimates for just how many pilots they needed at the time. It's probably amazing just how long I banged my head against that door after it was closed to me.
7. I annoy my wife any time we watch football together. My natural tendency, honed from years of watching football games with my family and with the guys in the Squadron Activity Room (SAR) at USAFA, is to talk to the TV non-stop during the games. About 95% of the time, the same words come out of my mouth about 1-2 seconds before they come out of the announcers' mouths. She no longer watches football with me.
   
8. The same typically applies when it comes to watching movies with my brother: we talk to the screen almost non-stop. The robots of "MST3K" are our heroes! I never had more fun in a single movie than when Bentley and I went to see Troy (2004) together. Fortunately, the theater was pretty well empty that night, or we would have been booted.
9. Did I mention I'm a geek? I never wore the nerd label very well, but I am more than happy to call myself "King of the Geeks" for some reason.
10. I always fret about work. I dislike work for work's sake, so I'm always looking for shortcuts when it comes to getting something done. I sometimes call myself lazy for that very reason.
11. I don't like my current career, but it pays the bills and gives me something to do. But because I'm in work that I don't like, I try to spend as little time doing it as possible. See note 10, above.
12. We've been told that we should love what we do for a living. One retired UIUC professor said he never spent less than 60 hours a week doing his work. Did he ever see his children as they were growing up? And if everyone does just what they love, then who would be the janitors in society? Actually, I adore the comic "Frazz" because it's about an elementary school janitor who has time to train for triathlons. Sure, he doesn't make much money, but he's happy interacting with the kids. Hmmm...
13. In college, I received similar guidance from my first calculus professor at THE Ohio State University. I went in for some extra help, since I was completely lost on logarithmic functions. His only advice was to do more homework. If I don't know what I'm doing, what's the point of doing more work wrongly? I withdrew from that class before I got an F.
14. Not to think too highly of myself, but I tended to get good grades in high school, which made me think I'm reasonably smart. High school physics, algebra, trigonometry, chemistry, biology -- all of those were fine and I did well in those classes. When I got to college, the freshman-level versions of those same topics completely kicked my ass. That's why I was a history major for my undergrad degree.
15. Just try getting a job with "Russian History" on your resume.
    
16. Oh, and in my senior-level history capstone course, when we read our essays out loud in front of the entire class, mine were about the worst. There were clearly much smarter people than I am who later went on to grad school in history. On Rhodes scholarships and the like. Pretty humbling stuff.
17. Did I mention I feel lost in my mid-life career path? There might be things I like about the work I do, but I have the feeling I'm on this path only because I can read and write. Literally. Oh, sure, I got my foot in the door with IT Systems Integration Management because I had an active security clearance at the time. I've learned quite a bit about IT systems and Project Management over time, even earning my PMP credential this past year. But sometimes I feel just completely lost. I'm trying to learn the relevant parts of the software development life cycle (SDLC) right now.
18. If I'm having a mid-life crisis, it started when I was 27. Where's my red convertible and hot blonde?
19. I do have to give props to my wife, who was gracious enough to say yes when I asked. Yes, the famous Winston Churchill quote "My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me" applies to me, too. I think it applies to darn near every man aware enough to realize it.
20. I didn't get married until I was about to turn 32. We didn't have children until I was 35. I never, ever realized what I was missing by not having children in my life. Sure, I loved being an uncle, but it's completely different. As frustrating as kids can be at times (and no one can make my kids cry faster than I can, to my eternal shame), they are such an incredible blessing to have in my life.
    
21. I secretly think that if I were separated from my kids for any reason, I might not be able to continue living. Hey, that would make a pretty good Post Secret postcard.
22. I really wish I were a better creative writer. There is this post from a computer scientist that just blows me away. I wish I had that kind of talent, but I'm just too literal. My brain doesn't work in more creative ways. I also use way too many words to describe anything, current post included.
    
23. I've never been a good story teller, but love to listen to those who are. Garrison Keillor comes to mind.
    
24. I should have at least one item related to gaming, shouldn't I? All my life, ever since the first Atari 2600, I've always loved finding ways to play games on computers and console boxes. Inevitably, I would spend way too much time playing a game, and then have to feel sick to my stomach that I couldn't devote the time needed to my schoolwork to get a better grade. That's still true today, but I'm desperately curbing my desire to buy a Wii and play games with my kids nonstop.
    
25. What else? Jesus saves; all others roll 4d6 for damage. If you don't get that reference, I'm not gonna explain it to you.
    

Now that I have these things written here, I'm tempted to pick up the list and transfer it over to Facebook. Larry Tesler is my hero! How many times have you heard those words? Not enough.