Out of the Mouths of Babes

No, not the babes like Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue babes. I'm talking about babes as in the old Art Linklater franchise (later adopted by many other funnymen, like Bill Cosby) "Kids Say the Darndest Things."

In the past two days, my three-year-old son has come up with some real doozies. I apologize if anyone reading this blog also read my Facebook posts over the past several days, since I also posted these stories there.

The first funny tidbit came when I was herding the kids upstairs yesterday evening for their "3B routine": bath, books, and bedtime. Matthew and I were negotiating over which toy he could carry upstairs, and I remarked that "I am not an unreasonable person." Matthew looked at me and said, "You're not a person. You're a Daddy."

The other tidbit he came up with yesterday actually happened on my wife's watch. She had the kiddos outside for a walk in the afternoon, before it got too dark or too cold outside. The Moon was up already, so she and Matthew were looking up at the Moon. Matthew came up with the idea of asking, "If that's the Moon, where is the Earth?" My wife replied, "You're standing on it." To which Matthew thought for a second, then said, "No, Mommy. That's the sidewalk."

The last little tidbit came from dinner tonight, and I was having flashbacks to either The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974) or Reservoir Dogs (1992), whichever one the dear reader happens to be familiar with. For dinner, my very lovely wife fixed spiral sliced ham, collard greens, and cheese grits. Yummy! Matthew for some strange reason started referring to the cheese grits as Mr. White, the collards as Mr. Green, and the ham as Mr. Pink. ("Why do I gotta be Mr. Pink?") Trust me, he's never seen either movie, but it was funny nonetheless. He only wanted to eat Mr. Pink tonight.